Blog

Drawings by Bri, LLC, Ballston Lake, NY

Throughout scripture, we see an abundance of imagery and metaphors concerning the topic of refinement. The refining that all of us go through in our faith is a painful one, but necessary in the process of becoming more like Jesus. After I had my fair share of hurt and no longer recognized who I was, my identity masked by my own bitterness, my prayer was for the Lord to refine me and make me more like Him. Fortunately and unfortunately for me, the Lord answered my prayer and I have been going through that painful yet beautiful process ever since.

            Often when I think of refining, although throughout scripture it describes it as the refiner’s fire, the imagery I see is that of chiseling stone when making a sculpture. The chiseling of the stone takes off the excess until what is left is a perfect work of art. To my surprise upon further inspection, this imagery is also used in scripture to describe this process. In Proverbs 11:2 AMP it states, ““When pride comes [boiling up with an arrogant attitude of self-importance], then come dishonor and shame, But with the humble [the teachable who have been chiseled by trial and who have learned to walk humbly with God] there is wisdom and soundness of mind.” I have always viewed pride as thinking higher of yourself than you ought, but there is another part of pride that I had an abundance of. I have learned that always looking inward at myself, my shortcomings and mistakes, and how everyone views me is also a form of selfishness and pride. Of course, my first reaction to this realization was panic and being overwhelmed by the weight of my own sin. However, after I had brought this to the Lord and pleaded with Him to refine me, I was met with nothing but love. This reminded me of the parable of the prodigal son. He left his father to pursue his selfish ambitions and squandered his wealth, resulting in working in the field feeding pigs. He finally came home expecting to work as one of his father’s servants and was only met with celebration and the love of his father welcoming him home.

            1 Peter 1:6-7 NASB states, “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” Although the Lord puts us through trials and tribulations to test our faith, we can have hope in the fact that we are being formed into His likeness and that He will not keep us as we are. While I have been going through my own set of trials, I did not detect that this was the Lord’s way of strengthening my faith and making me more like Him. In the moment I prayed for the Lord to take it away. However, when I look back at even the difference in myself from the past year alone, I am encouraged by how far the Lord has brought me and am able to rejoice and give Him glory even though I am not out of it yet. Although circumstances have not changed, the Lord has been changing my mindset and is changing me. Of course, I’m not perfect in this process. I don’t always treat it gracefully, but making that conscious effort to focus on the Lord instead of my circumstances everyday has been essential. This process takes time, much like the process of chiseling a sculpture made of stone. It is a meticulous and detail-oriented process of breaking away the excess, but the result is beautiful and makes the wait worth it.

 References

AMP: Amplified Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2015

NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020

In reading Mark 5, I was struck by the contrast between the healing of the women with the issue of blood and Jairus’s daughter. Jesus showed up for them in very different ways and in a way that was very personal to what they each needed to be shown. In Jairus’s conversation with Jesus, he states, “My little daughter is at the point of death; please come and lay Your hands on her, so that she will get well and live” (Mark 5:23 NASB). He had great faith in Jesus and His ability to heal his daughter, however, he believed that in order to be healed, Jesus had to lay his hands on her. This put Jesus in a box and Jairus had this preconceived notion of how he thought Jesus needed to operate (Guzik, 2023). I saw myself in Jairus and how he came to the Lord. I had my thoughts of how my life should be and where the Lord needs to take me. I held on so tightly to these ideas and this sense of control of my life that I gave very little room for God to actually move and to bring the breakthrough. In doing this, it gave me a sense of fear, panic, and internal dread that was always with me. When I gave up control of my life and my plans and put my trust in Him and what He wants me to do, it brought so much peace in my life and it gave Him room to speak to me and to give me direction. This can be seen in Jairus’s life as well when he had to give up the fear he held concerning his daughter’s life and put complete faith in the Lord, even though the route He took was not what Jairus had asked for or expected.

Before healing Jairus’s daughter, Jesus came into contact with a women who had a hemorrhage for twelve years. The Enduring Word Commentary describes the women’s circumstances by saying, “By the very law of her people, she was divorced from her husband, and could not live in her home; she was ostracized from all society, and must not come into contact with her old friends; she was excommunicated from the services of the synagogue, and thus shut out from the women’s courts in the temple” (Morgan, Guzik, 2023). She had been to many doctors to heal her sickness and only grew worse, causing her to be shunned from society.  Jesus was her last hope. She went through the crowd and reached out to touch his garment in desperation with the faith that she would finally be healed. This reaching out in faith is incredibly important to this story in how it pertains to how we must reach out for the healing touch of Jesus in our own lives. When reading this, I think about those moments I’ve felt like her; feeling like I’m at rock bottom and desperate for relief. I have also, however, been on the other side where Jesus showed me that I was never forgotten by Him and He has brought me to the other side of the battle I was facing. This can be seen in her life as well by how Jesus reacts to the women’s touch by asking “who touched me”. He called her out before the crowd, even though she tried to come to Him in secret. Stephen D Morrison stated, “It seemed cruel, but it was really kind. It sent her home with loftier thoughts of Him. She would never talk of the wonder of the tassel; she would always talk of the wonder of the Lord. Permitted to walk away without confession, she would have said exultantly, ‘I’ve found a cure.’ Now the woman cried, ‘I’ve found a friend.’” (Morrison, Guzik, 2023).

                  On the way to Jairus’s house, the women with the issue of blood reached out to Jesus in desperation to be healed. While this miracle took place, Jairus was still in the waiting. His daughter was dying. Jesus then states, “Do not be afraid, only believe.” He says this to Jairus because faith and fear cannot coexist. When they got back and saw that Jairus’s daughter had died, Jesus stated, “Why make a commotion and weep? The child has not died, but is asleep.” Jesus then continues to say, “Little girl, I say to you, get up!” and immediately she got up and walked and everybody was amazed by what Jesus had done. Although Jairus would have preferred for Jesus to heal his daughter much sooner, he was strengthened in his faith in the waiting, as well as encouraged by seeing the healing of the women on the way to see his daughter. This part of the story spoke to me and where I am at even today. While I am in the waiting for many areas of my life, I often find myself operating in a place of fear and panic in thinking that God is too late. Even when the situation seems hopeless and like we are past the point of no return, He is always on time and intentional in everything He does. This story was a beautiful reminder of that for me and I hope it offers some encouragement to you as well.

References

Guzik, D. (2023, March 15). Enduring word bible commentary Mark Chapter 5. Enduring Word. https://enduringword.com/bible-commentary/mark-5/

NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020

Through my last drawing, “Consider the Lilies”, I touched on the subject of trusting in God’s plan, even when your circumstances look impossible. Through this drawing I want to go more in depth on the subject. During my reading of scripture and time in prayer, the Lord brought me to 1 Kings 17 to further support this topic. 1 Kings 17 is the beginning of the story of Elijah. At this time, the people of Israel have turned away from God and were putting their trust in lesser things. As a result, the Lord brought a drought to the land, which resulted in a famine, in order to remind the people to turn back to Him. Elijah was in Israel at this time and the Lord had told him to go to the wilderness and trust that the Lord will provide. While in the wilderness, Elijah was able to get water from the brook and the Lord sent ravens to deliver food to him day after day. After the brook had dried up, the Lord told him to go to Zarephath, a pagan land in the middle of nowhere, where he would meet a widow and her son, who were dying of starvation, to provide for him. When he got there and asked the widow for food and water, she informed him that water she can give, but she only had enough food for one more meal for her and her son before they starved and had nothing left. In response, Elijah says to give him the last of what she has and when she goes back there will be enough for her son. In addition to this, every time she goes back, the Lord will provide enough for them. There came a day that the women’s son was sick to the point of death. Elijah brought him to the upper room where he was living and prayed to the Lord that the child’s life would return to him and it was so. Because of this, the mother knew that Elijah was a man of God and the word of the Lord is true.

            Throughout this story, we see where Elijah could’ve been hopeless and given up on God. Elijah, however, kept his trust in the Lord and was obedient, and in turn the Lord sustained him. When putting ourselves in Elijah’s shoes, we see that in everything the Lord told him to do, the outcome would not be as we would have thought. The Lord tells him to go to the wilderness and the brook dries up, he goes to the widow and she does not have anything to give, the Lord provides and then her son dies. In every circumstance of this story, God’s provision did not match his expectations. We see, however, that there was a divine purpose in everything that the Lord had done. Because the brook dried up, Elijah went to the widow. Because she had no food to give, she saw how the Lord had miraculously provided for her and her son. Lastly, because the Lord brought breath back into her son’s lungs, her heart was softened and she realized that the God Elijah had spoken of was true. This shows that in trusting and being obedient to God, the Lord could help in leading someone else to be blessed by it and in turn, have trust in God and live in obedience to Him. Sometimes what God is doing through you is not about you at all.

            In my artwork, the idea for this drawing came about from a Seth Carpenter song called “Page By Page”. In the chorus it states, “I will trust you page by page. What is faith without a little pain. When the road runs dry and I don’t know why, I’ve learned it’s just a chapter. I will trust you page by page” (2022). This perfectly encapsulates what 1 Kings 17 portrays through Elijah’s journey. In the drawing, the light surrounding what is supposed to represent the Lord’s hand writing my story represents Psalm 119:105 which states, “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.” When we see how a lamp shines in the dark, we see that the light does not shine very far. It is just enough to see a step or two in front of you. In the same way, we do not see the big picture about what God’s plan is, he just shows us what he wants us to do one step at a time. What he asks of us is to just be obedient in the process and to trust him one page at a time.

References

 Carpenter, S. (2022). Page By Page [Lyrics]. Retrieved from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3kfEPPua00g

NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020

Throughout much of my life, I have struggled with depression. I felt robbed of my teenage years and early twenties as I saw everything through the all-encompassing lens of depression, overcome by despair, feelings of worthlessness, and suicidal thoughts. In Battle Ready Podcast- Mental Health, Erwin McManus explains that when a person breaks down, they never become overwhelmingly loving or infinitely empathetic, when we break down it’s as though we traumatize the best parts of us so what we are left with is the worst of us (McManus, E. M. + A., 2017). This rings true in my life as I lost myself and felt that there was no good in me. With every day that I would cry out to God with no reply, I became more bitter and angry, pushing away everyone who loved me, including God. Isolation is so common in people who struggle with depression in that we want to shut everybody out when we need them the most because we feel that we are a burden. In doing this, however, we shut out the very people that can speak life into us and can fight for us when we don’t have the energy or capacity to fight for ourselves. This is why it is so important to surround yourself with people that can speak life into you. When I was in the thick of my depression, I didn’t want to hear that my thoughts were wrong because I was fully convinced that what I believed was right and that I’m seeing things clearly for the first time. I was convinced that I was alone in my suffering and that nobody understands, but that was because I was alone. Allowing people in that told me what scripture says about me even when I didn’t want to hear it was crucial for me. Slowly over time it started to internalize and the anger and bitterness that I harbored towards God went away. As I read the Bible for myself, I saw that we are precious and honored in his eyes, that we are fearfully and wonderfully made, that when we were saved we were made new in Him, that he takes delight in us, and so much more. When our thoughts of ourselves align with how the Lord sees us, it does not allow these negative outcomes and thoughts of ourselves that have plagued our minds to prevail (McManus, E. M. + A., 2017).

For much of the time I was struggling, people with good intentions would try to give me advice by saying to read my bible more or saying that I do not have enough faith or have unresolved sin. This put me into a deeper spiral of self-hatred and blaming myself for being trapped by the weight of this illness, as well as blaming God for not taking it away from me. Although I have heard so many miraculous stories about people being healed of their mental health issues instantly, this was not my story. It has taken me years to simply get to a place where I now have more good days than bad. As I studied and learned what the Bible says regarding depression, I took comfort in the fact that I was not struggling because I did something wrong like I have been told, but because I am human and that many prominent figures in the Bible struggled with mental health as well. Elijah asked God to end his life, Job cursed the day he was born, we can see in the Psalms that David battled deep despair, and there are so many more that we can see throughout scripture. God never condemned them for the way they were feeling, but actually used it for them to be refined and grow in character to step into their calling and become who God has created them to be. In the Battle Ready Podcast- Mental Health, Erwin McManus states, “The more damage you allow to your soul, the longer it takes for God to heal you because it is a deep, honest, and authentic work that He is doing for you” (McManus, E. M. + A., 2017). In hindsight, I realized the reason that God allowed me to be left with the worst parts of myself was to be forced to face it head-on and to become who he created me to be. It forced me to come to the end of myself and realize that I can’t do life without Him and I wasn’t created to. I am now thankful for the journey because I can see how much God has grown me through it.

            While going through depression, Matthew 6:25-34 has been a passage of comfort for me. It states,

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they? And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life? And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’ For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things.  But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.“So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Through this passage, Jesus states that we do not have to worry or be hopeless about the future because the Lord is in control. He feeds the birds of the air, he makes sure the lilies of the field grow, and how much more valuable are you than they are? When your life is in chaos and you see no good in your future, the Lord sees the big picture and works all things for our good, even when it seems impossible. As someone who did not think I would even live to see twenty, I am so glad I stayed and the Lord has truly saved my life. He values you, He loves you, He has you here for a reason, and He will redeem what is broken in his perfect timing.

References

McManus, E. M. + A. (2017, November 14). Mental health – S01E02 – Battle Ready with Erwin & Aaron McManus. Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aRYdKFqu0wk

NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020

Thomas in the Bible, unfortunately in the western world, has been labeled as a doubter. This labelling, however, is inaccurate to who Thomas is and the rest that is known of him as a follower of Jesus. First, we need to look at the definition of doubt. Doubt is questioning an already held belief. Because Thomas did not believe that Jesus was the resurrection and life, this would not be classified as doubt, but as skepticism (Cooper, 2024). Although he can be labelled as a silent skeptic in terms of the resurrection, he was undoubtably a true follower of Jesus. When Jesus was about to go to Judea, all of the disciples were discouraging the idea out of fear of death. Thomas in John 11:16, however, responded by saying, “Let us go, so that we may die with him.” He, although still a Christian, struggled with belief in an area of his life. In a sermon preached by Pastor Jason Cooper, he states, “Just because we have experienced redemption in one area does not mean we have experienced the redemptive work of Christ in all areas” (Cooper, 2024). Like Thomas struggled with belief in certain aspects of Christianity, we can also struggle with belief. This does not make us any less saved or that we have done something wrong to fall from God’s grace…this makes us imperfect humans in need of a perfect savior. In this same sermon, Cooper goes on to state, “It’s a great place to come to when you finally relieve yourself from the spirit of perfection… to think that I actually need to strive to be perfect” (Cooper, 2024). Although we should not stay stuck in our unbelief, because of Jesus’s redemptive work on the cross, we do not need to be ruled by perfectionism. He died as an atonement for our sins, was buried, and raised on the third day and all we have to do now is receive this gift and believe and follow Him. The Lord accepts us with open arms exactly as we are, imperfections and all. It is only through His redemptive work in our lives once we accept Him that we can be transformed.

Although we may struggle with unbelief, The Lord can meet us there, as He did for Thomas. John 20:24-29 states,

“But Thomas, one of the twelve, called Didymus, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples were saying to him, “We have seen the Lord!” But he said to them, “Unless I see in his hands the imprints of the nails, and put my finger into the place of the nails, and put my hand into his side, I will not believe.” After eight days His disciples were again inside, and Thomas with them. Jesus came, the door having been shut, and stood in their midst and said, “Peace be with you.” Then he said to Thomas, “Reach here with your finger, and see My hands; and reach here and put it into My side; and do not be unbelieving, but believing. Thomas answered and said to Him, “My Lord and my God!” Jesus said to him, “Because you have seen me, have you believed? Blessed are they who did not see, and yet believed.”

In this passage we can see that Jesus sought Thomas out. The rest of the disciples have already seen that Jesus was alive and believed, but the second appearance to the disciples, He did not speak to any other disciple but Thomas. This should give hope that even in those moments when we walk away from God and we are absent from him, stuck in our guilt and shame, the power of the resurrection proved that he’s not finished. Even absence won’t stop Jesus from getting to those who needs to be free from unbelief (Cooper, 2024).

Although He met Thomas where he was, he still had commands for Thomas concerning his unbelief. In The Working Preacher Commentary, it states,

“On the one hand, in 20:27 Jesus gives several commands to Thomas, echoing the conditions Thomas had established in 20:25. On the other hand, Thomas never physically examines or inspects Jesus’ wounds as he claimed he needed to do before he would believe… The key is the closing command Jesus gives in 20:27, “Don’t be unbelieving but believing.” Jesus’ command functions as performative speech. He speaks the proper response into Thomas so that Thomas responds with the ultimate relational confession of faith, “My Lord and my God.” (20:28)”(Carlson, 2020).

When reading this passage, it helps to take a step back and put yourself in Thomas’s position. He had just seen his best friend, mentor, and the one he loves most get tortured and die a brutal death on a cross. I can imagine that he was overcome with grief and that he had what seemed to be an insurmountable amount of fear in believing that Jesus was alive because he did not want to get his hopes up in fear of this incredible news of Jesus’s resurrection not being true. When putting myself in his shoes, I would imagine that I would be no different. Even reflecting on my own life and areas where I struggle with belief, I found that I approach it similar to Thomas. Like Thomas, I come to God with my terms and conditions of what it will take for me to believe or how I want Him to show up in my life. Although eventually there is breakthrough, rarely does Jesus operate the same way that he has in the past or show up how I expect Him to. We need to trust that the Lord knows best and that he is not scared of our unbelief. He will redeem our unbelief in His perfect timing and His perfect way, while also correcting us moving forward, as he has done with Thomas (Cooper, 2024).

 References

Cooper, J. (2024, March 31). Join us for live worship at Redemption Church. YouTube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lkZihEENcEE

Carlson, R. (2020, November 11). Commentary on john 20:19-31. Working Preacher from Luther Seminary. https://www.workingpreacher.org/commentaries/revised-common-lectionary/second-sunday-of-easter-2/commentary-on-john-2019-31-3

NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020.

The idea for this piece was brought about from a sermon illustration that I heard by a pastor named Megan Marshman. She explained that a friend of hers was at a Christian conference and they did an exercise where they had to pick two pictures; one that represents where they are currently in life and one that shows where they want to be. The first picture depicted hands holding a struggling baby bird. When asked what she felt looking at the image, she envisioned herself holding all of her burdens; her own personal struggles, those of her family, friends, etc. As she kept staring at the image, God began to shift her perspective away from this negative outlook that highlights her struggles and showed her an alternative meaning to the image. He said that she was the baby bird and He is holding her while she is holding all of her burdens. Megan Marshman explained it further by saying, “What I hold is not too much for the one that is holding me” (Marshman, 2024). Although her circumstances did not change, her outlook and how she deals with those circumstances did.

So often we cling tight to our circumstances in an attempt to control everything and fix all of our problems on our own. This is an attempt to lessen the load and ease our minds, but this just leads to more stress and anxiety until we have so much burdening us that we feel like we can’t stand. Psalm 55:22 NASB states, “Cast your burden upon the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.” When we turn our eyes towards Christ instead of our circumstances, we can have peace and joy in the midst of it. We can take comfort in knowing that we do not have to face these battles on our own and that the Lord is with us in the midst of all of it. Isaiah 41:10 NASB states, “Do not fear, for I am with you; Do not be afraid, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, I will also help you, I will also uphold you with My righteous right hand.’ This verse perfectly explains the message of this drawing in that The Lord is upholding us and carrying us through life’s circumstances like how the hands representing the Lord is carrying us. I hope you all love this artwork and are encouraged and reminded that you don’t have to carry these burdens alone.

 References

“Being Honest with Yourself and with God (with Megan Fate Marshman).” Sun Valley Community Church, hosted by Robert Watson, guest Megan Fate Marshman, episode 166, 12 Mar. 2024, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bTvoL1OTSrU. Accessed 15 Mar. 2024.

NASB: New American Standard Bible. Foundation Publications, Publisher for the Lockman Foundation, 2020.